Today, 3 years later, I’m decided to bring to life my blog just to share some thoughts.
For those who don’t know, I’ve been trying to begin a spiritual path since last year. For a scientist, of course, not an easy task.
But first, let me tell you a story. For years, I kept having this crazy thought of living on Europe, riding my bike everywhere, recycling my trash, working on an office at the top of a building, having my breakfast watching a lovely view at my balcony and things like that, just regular life.
I kept daydreaming even though I didn’t know how to get all those things or where to start. At the time, I was living in Porto Alegre (Brazil), studying Neuroscience, paying rent with a scholarship and counting every penny to get at the end of the month. Living in Europe seemed delusional to me.
Later, I paused the academic life, moved to São Paulo, worked in random jobs, became a Thai massage Therapist, practiced Yoga and meditation and begun to connect to my physical and emotional body.
Deep inside I kept feeling the European calling inside my heart. Still didn’t know where to start.
Cut the scene, jump to January 2019, I’m in Colombia with a colleague from Vet School. She felt like giving me messages from “The Angels” (She is a Medium). I know, hippie crazy stuff, right?
One of the messages was to work my abundance and my relationship with money. There was no way she could know that due to my family and background, at some point of life I believed money made people evil and I started to reject the idea of having it in order to live a simpler life. Money was never my drive or motivation.
“Abundance is not just about money”, she said. “It’s about everything in your life, is also about love. You have to stop being cheap with yourself and spend your money on the things you want or need. Money it’s like blood: if it’s not circulating it coagulates”.
I was a few days from moving to Lisbon (Portugal) with no plan besides my savings and the desire of starting a new life from scratch (working as a Thai Therapist) for the third time in my life, at my 30’s. Nothing to be anxious about, right?
I arrived in Lisbon with the abundance issue in my head. How could I work on that? My friend gave me a silly task, to repeat some sentences out loud 7 times a day for 30 days, but I really wanted to do something more realistic. Still, I did the homework. I had nothing to lose.
The first weeks in Lisbon were a mixture of excitement and desperation. My anxious thoughts were going out of control. I was living in a not so great, not so cheap apartment, had no job at all and my savings were draining out of my pocket.
“How did I get here? What are you doing with your life, Cristian?!”.
One day, searching for Facebook events, I found this “Abundance and Success Workshop” at the ESMOT (School of Oriental Medicine and Therapeutics). It really sounded like a crappy PEP-talk but I needed help and maybe they could give me some advice. Again, I had nothing to lose, besides my time and a train ticket.
They talked about positive thinking, the law of attraction, envisage (not envision) the things you want, sacred geometry and constructers form the universe, and being grateful for the things you want as if you already had them.
Nothing new for me, actually. They gave me another homework, for 30 days I should keep a diary where I handwrite some sentences, say them out loud, and do an exercise.
At the backstage, I was searching for jobs and apartments like crazy. So I started applying the homework and what I just had learned.
1. I started asking again.
The Universe is always listening to what we ask for. The issue is that some things come at different pace or time. We tend to believe that nobody is listening and we stop asking.
I, specifically, kept my days repeating to myself and writing down things like: “I want to live in a cozy room with a Balcony, in a nice apartment with cool flatmates”, “I want to find a place that its affordable or has a just price”, “I want to live close to my work”, “I want to find a nice job with young colleges that pays well”, “I want to find an affordable Speed bike, something fast and light”.
Focusing on the things I really wanted and never on complaining about what I had or thinking of what I didn’t want.
2. I started envisaging.
The difference between envisioning and envisaging what you want is subtle.
From Grammarist definition: “Envisaging usually involves something real, while envisioning involves mostly imaginary elements. You might envision a distant goal that you have not begun to work toward. Later, as you plan how to reach that goal, you might envisage how you’re going to do it with the time and resources you have available.”
So basically, I started seeing my room, my bike and my job in my head. However, wasn’t just imaging the physical forms of them. I was feeling and planning my life around them as I already had what I wanted.
I was thinking about which roads to take on my bike to my new job, also where to park it. I was imagining myself waking up in the morning with the sun in my window and smelling the breakfast coffee, watching myself in my own studio, doing my massages, talking and giving some relief to people struggles.
3. I started being thankful.
Being thankful went beyond repeating the words “Thank you for the job/apartment/bike I got, I love them!”. Was about smiling inside, feeling the warmth in my heart of enjoying those presents as they were already in my life.
4. I started spending my money
No more counting pennies. If I needed something I was going to buy it without hesitation. It didn’t matter if it was for pleasure or basic needs, I deserve to treat myself with love and abundance.
I’m being kind to myself, I am spending more money on making me happy and trying not to be cheap all the time. Just enough to save money and enjoy Lisbon at the same time.
The reason I’m here, writing this, is that I started my 30 days homework last Monday, one week ago. On Tuesday, I was forced to move out of my old apartment, on Wednesday, I found an amazing room with a stunning view. Now, the sun comes into my window every morning and I share a great apartment with 2 lovely girls in one of the best locations in the city.
Later that Wednesday, I got called for an Interview on Thursday, in a Start-up, where a friend works. I start my new job tomorrow. And finally, but not least, yesterday I found this amazing Speed bike on Facebook Marketplace for a really nice price. Today, I bought it from the coolest Italian Erasmus Student I’ve ever met and ridden my bike home thinking about sharing my happiness with the world. So here I am.
Tomorrow I’ll be biking to my first day at work after drinking a coffee on my balcony. 9 years later after my delusional dreams began. I won’t be on my Studio doing Massages, but I’m gonna keep working on that dream.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is: don’t let your skepticism, backgrounds or believes to stop you from going to the places your heart wants to take you.
And of course, I want to acknowledge my place of speech and my privileged position. It is hard not to fall into the “you can have everything you want, just dream big and ask to the universe” stereotype, knowing that I was born in a middle-class white-skin family, went to grad school, lived abroad, never passed a day without food in my plate, faced physical violence or abuse and had the economic and emotional support of a loving mother through the years.
So yes, depending on the country where you live and the conditions you grew up, things really could get hard on the way. Still, I also know privileged people, like myself, that find themselves unhappy with their lives, not knowing where to go or what to do.
9 years ago I was laughing, from a science lab, at self-help books and spiritual guides with recipes for happiness and success. Today, I understand that we all have different paths and recipes to find them.
Every day, I force myself to open my heart and mind a bit more to magic, to angels, miracles, oracles, past lives, and to convince myself that there are no coincidences in life. There is causality.
The things you are doing right now are essential for your future paths, even though they seem meaningless, or depressive, at times.
The people you meet has something to deliver to you, even if they came up as painful or loving experience. They are here to teach you something, try to see through them.
And of course, The Universe (you can call it God, Love, Source, etc) is not taking any decision for you. You and no one else is responsible for your life. You have to make the choices, take that crazy job offer, deal with those painful emotions and get to know yourself better, be proactive and keep on moving, and listen to the signals.
If you don’t know where to start or how to connect with yourself, ask the universe (and people) for help. Ask for guidance and clarity, but keep asking, it might take a while but the answers will come sooner than later.
Maybe is not that we are not getting the things we always wanted, maybe is just that we stopped asking for them. We stopped dreaming about those things. We stopped believing in miracles.
Maybe our dreams are being constructed piece by piece for delivery at the precise and exact moment, that might not be the moment we wanted but the moment we are ready to receive and accept them as ours, the moment we accept that we deserve abundance and prosperity in our lives.
You could think that I got all the things I wanted because I was lucky, or had the right connections or I was prepared enough for getting them. Those all things might be right too. But there is no harm in believing that there are universal forces conspiring to deliver everything I ask, so I am gonna keep on being grateful and asking for more, accepting and embracing the spiritual guide that is growing inside of me. In the end, there is nothing left to lose, right?
Ps: if anyone feels connected to my story and wants to get more details, have video call talk or get a hand on the abundance homework, I’ll be happy to e-mail them. They are in Portuguese but nothing that a good translator can’t handle.
My Tripping Soul 